Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
