I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
