I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
