apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
