so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
