I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
