Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
