She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
