I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize