Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
