I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
