No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize