it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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