Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
