what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
