Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
