how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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