So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
It's official drugs can't kill me
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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