I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
