Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
