Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize