your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
