Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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