I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
