if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize