I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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