i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
