He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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