We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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