a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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