thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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