My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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