I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Success! We fucked roommates!
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