She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
