He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
