Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
