There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
