There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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