Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
