I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
