: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
