my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
