Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
