So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
