Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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