So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize