I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
