So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
