i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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