just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
