Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
