Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
