Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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