I'm sorry my penis didn't work
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
