3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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