She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize