dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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