It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize