if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
