oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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