The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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