Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
His nipple licking is glorious
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