Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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