You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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