I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
