the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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