C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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