Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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