I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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