Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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