Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize