bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
No more Irish car bombs ever.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
